Life defies death

It is quite amazing. It was seven years ago tonight that I got the call that told me that you would be leaving us. It is amazing that after seven years of your absence, I still have to convince myself that you are gone.

I dream about you often. And in those dreams we are enjoying ourselves, and then it dawns on me. "Mom," I say, "you're dead. How can you be here? This can't be happening..." The last time I had that dream you said, "Yeah, I know. But I just wanted to be here to enjoy this time with you." Then I woke up, and again, had to force myself to remember, to view the images in my memory, the funeral, you in the casket, Faith arriving from Mexico with the baby...

I am so glad that you were the kind of person who was so alive that it defies the reality of death.

For Mama

The garden,
The cradle,
And the home.
Here you found your place
Your quiet, your joy, your peace.
As much as you could be content
You found contentment here.

The rose
Its fragrance, its hue, its curve
And its thorns.
The simplest of your pleasures
Yet we remember you by this.

The babe
The softness, the coos, the love
And the tears.
Love was never easy, but it was true
And you did not hold back.

The house
Your things, your warmth, your style
Everywhere, your touch
While handling your treasures
and everyday toys
We value only that they gave you joy.


The garden, the cradle and the home,
Mama, my memories yet burn,
And still my heart breaks.
And every pleasure I enjoy
Is pierced by the thought,
“I learned that joy from her.”

Leeann Andrade-Kelley
Mother’s Day 2001

with roses
November 7

we buried your body
with roses,
we pulled them from the top
of the casket and in wild
abandonment
to grief
we threw them in, then
quietly walked outside.

Josh should have read
the service, they should have seen
our tears, they should have heard
our longing, but
this one thing we did
right, we sent
your body to the
grave in
roses.


Leeann Andrade-Kelley
November 2002